I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
