I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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