: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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