Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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