we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
