I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
