well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
