Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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