I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
