dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
