They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
