Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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