dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
