its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
