So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
