I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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