I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The Olympian is in my bed
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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