All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
