I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
organizing the empties. That sober.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
