I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
