OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just gift wrapped bread.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
