let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
