Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
