I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think a kid would responsible me up
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
