peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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