the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
