Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
