I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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