If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
