I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
