its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
