I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
