hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
