Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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