Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
