She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
