Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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