kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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