I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
