just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
