carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
