Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
