who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
