can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
