I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Found your dick twin last night
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
