For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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