Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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