while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
