Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
