I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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