all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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