Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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