Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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