yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
