I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
