I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
