Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
