I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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