I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
